[Thank you for the last MBL call. It was so wonderful to see everyone, and I'm pleasantly surprised that Vidhi has asked Arti and I for 'Dil Ki Kahani' on how we've helped each other practice our values through 15 years of marriage. One thing I must tell has kept us going, growing, glowing are the stories we live with. Its the stories from our own lives and the stories heard. Like this story below, excerpted from this page.]
Talking about love, it's common that we love our parents, spouse, children, and siblings...Nobody can disagree that they are the primary people that we love. But, why do I ask "who do we love the most?" Who would be the important person that we love the most?
In Agama Sutra, there is a section about King Pesenadi and Queen Mallika. One day, King Pasenadi of Kosala asked Queen Mallika: "Who do you love the most in this world?" "Of course, you are the one that I love the most." "I'd figured that you were going to say so." "Your Highness. If you allow me, I will have a different answer, but more truthful." The Queen smiled. "Tell me." The King said. "Your Highness, the person that I love the most is myself."
The King was astonished: "What? How could you love yourself? I don't understand what you just said." "Your Highness. Because I love myself, I love you. You are the person who has brought the happiness to this self." "I know that...But still don't get what you're trying to say."
The Queen cautiously asked: "Your Highness. May I ask who do you love most in this life?" "You are the one." The King laughed. "Let say that I love another man, what will you do?" "Um..I will...I will...." The King was puzzled. "You will be furious and will order to behead me right away. Is that true?"
She continued asking. "You are so tricky..!" The King dodged her question. "Isn't true, Your Highness?" "Aa" "It's true, my Lord." The Queen was pushing with the question.
After a moment of silence, the King replied: "Perhaps, you are right." "So, you have answered my question!"
He claims that he loves her, but if she loves someone else, he would behead her. So, does he love her the most? If he loves her the most, then he will love her even if she loves someone else. But in this case, he would behead her. Thus, he only loves himself! In this world, we love other people because we love ourselves.
On the next day, King Pasenadi made a visit to the Buddha at Jetavana monastery and described the conversation between him and Queen Mallika. The Buddha confirmed her answer through following verse:
A majority of people don't know that they love themselves the most. They often think that they love this person or that person with all their heart. Even if they know that they love themselves, they don't have the courage to tell others the truth.
May I ask that what do we love about ourselves? Is it the body? This body is comprised of earth, water, air, and fire. Their characteristic is to oppose each other. At a certain time, the body is disintegrated. When everything is separated, what part of us that we love? If we don't love this body, then what do we love? Our mind? Our mind is always thinking and assessing. Once a thought arises, we perceive it as real. If someone disagrees with us, we could argue or fight to defend our thought. We defend it means we love it, right? But thinking is unreal because it thinks about this and about that, but when we find it, it disappears. It appears and vanishes unexpectedly, with any real form.
Since the body and the mind are not us, what do we love? Can you tell me?
It seems that the only real focus of our existence can be to return to our true nature. When we do that, we truly love ourselves.
Talking about love, it's common that we love our parents, spouse, children, and siblings...Nobody can disagree that they are the primary people that we love. But, why do I ask "who do we love the most?" Who would be the important person that we love the most?
In Agama Sutra, there is a section about King Pesenadi and Queen Mallika. One day, King Pasenadi of Kosala asked Queen Mallika: "Who do you love the most in this world?" "Of course, you are the one that I love the most." "I'd figured that you were going to say so." "Your Highness. If you allow me, I will have a different answer, but more truthful." The Queen smiled. "Tell me." The King said. "Your Highness, the person that I love the most is myself."
The King was astonished: "What? How could you love yourself? I don't understand what you just said." "Your Highness. Because I love myself, I love you. You are the person who has brought the happiness to this self." "I know that...But still don't get what you're trying to say."
The Queen cautiously asked: "Your Highness. May I ask who do you love most in this life?" "You are the one." The King laughed. "Let say that I love another man, what will you do?" "Um..I will...I will...." The King was puzzled. "You will be furious and will order to behead me right away. Is that true?"
She continued asking. "You are so tricky..!" The King dodged her question. "Isn't true, Your Highness?" "Aa" "It's true, my Lord." The Queen was pushing with the question.
After a moment of silence, the King replied: "Perhaps, you are right." "So, you have answered my question!"
He claims that he loves her, but if she loves someone else, he would behead her. So, does he love her the most? If he loves her the most, then he will love her even if she loves someone else. But in this case, he would behead her. Thus, he only loves himself! In this world, we love other people because we love ourselves.
On the next day, King Pasenadi made a visit to the Buddha at Jetavana monastery and described the conversation between him and Queen Mallika. The Buddha confirmed her answer through following verse:
Our awarenessThat is the Buddha's confirmation: Sentient beings love themselves the most.
Travels all directions
Could not find
One dearer than oneself
Searching all directions
Still could not find
One dearer than oneself
So, one loves oneself
Should not hurt others
A majority of people don't know that they love themselves the most. They often think that they love this person or that person with all their heart. Even if they know that they love themselves, they don't have the courage to tell others the truth.
May I ask that what do we love about ourselves? Is it the body? This body is comprised of earth, water, air, and fire. Their characteristic is to oppose each other. At a certain time, the body is disintegrated. When everything is separated, what part of us that we love? If we don't love this body, then what do we love? Our mind? Our mind is always thinking and assessing. Once a thought arises, we perceive it as real. If someone disagrees with us, we could argue or fight to defend our thought. We defend it means we love it, right? But thinking is unreal because it thinks about this and about that, but when we find it, it disappears. It appears and vanishes unexpectedly, with any real form.
Since the body and the mind are not us, what do we love? Can you tell me?
It seems that the only real focus of our existence can be to return to our true nature. When we do that, we truly love ourselves.
Reflections
Share your thoughts or questions